Quick Fix: acupuncture & other painful truths
My first experience of acupuncture was when I was a graduate student at New York University. I visited their excellent medical facilities because I found myself suffering from unremitting diarrhea. Most inconvenient in a city of few to no public commodes and very long commutes. I vividly recall running along endless NYU library corridors trying to get to the loo on time. My assumption was that I must have been suffering from some dreadful parasite, but all the tests came back clear. The diagnosis: Irritable Bowel Syndrome.
In fact they were so impressed that I had not responded to their cunning placebo that they invited me to be part of future trials. Placebo is a powerful tool. Antidepressants are increasingly prescribed -- as many as 23% of women in my age bracket take them -- yet research has shown:
"Antidepressants are supposed to work by fixing a chemical imbalance,
specifically, a lack of serotonin in the brain. Indeed, their supposed
effectiveness is the primary evidence for the chemical imbalance theory. But
analyses of the published data and the unpublished data that were hidden by drug
companies reveals that most (if not all) of the benefits are due to the placebo
effect. Some antidepressants increase serotonin levels, some decrease it, and
some have no effect at all on serotonin. Nevertheless, they all show the same
therapeutic benefit. Even the small statistical difference between
antidepressants and placebos may be an enhanced placebo effect, due to the fact
that most patients and doctors in clinical trials successfully break blind. The
serotonin theory is as close as any theory in the history of science to having
been proved wrong. Instead of curing depression, popular antidepressants may
induce a biological vulnerability making people more likely to become depressed
in the future." https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4172306/
Which reminds me of a boyfriend I had in London one summer when I was earning money cleaning very stinky backpackers lodgings so that I myself could backpack through Europe. He made an actual living from signing up for drug trials. He would check into hospital and be plied with meds, real or sugar pills, and monitored for side effects. Horrors.
The second time I had acupuncture was 7 years ago. My lovely friend Sam, who blogs at Africa Clockwise (well worth a read), suffers from M.E. and had highly recommended Dr Lin whom she credited for getting her out of a wheelchair. I showed up at the doctor's rooms with a list of complaints as long as my arm. I had two young children, a very demanding job and was basically suffering from burnout. Something many many women succumb to as we try to do it all, under the delusion that that's what it means to be empowered. Here's an excellent article on that bitter pill most of us Feminists have had to swallow. Possibly never more relevant than during this time of global lockdown.
The older Dr Lin, who has since retired, didn't speak English much. He read through my litany of complaints though, sort of chuckled and then proceeded to cover me in very large needles. It was agony. He then made me lie down ON the needles. And left.
I lay in that large cold room, trying breathing techniques I had last employed in childbirth...and with about as much success. I cried. Eventually I called out pathetically for help. Nothing. I yelled. He came in. When I mewled pitifully about the pain, he helpfully jammed the pillow more snugly into the particularly tender neck needles.
As I drove away I called my husband to rant about the nightmarish experience. Mid-rant he pointed out: "You sound much better." Indeed. I felt like a completely different person. All the exhaustion and misery had been usurped by outrage! But really, it did help. Even after I parted the hair at the nape of my neck when my young daughter inquired at bedtime: "Where was it eina mommy?" She then informed me, "It's still there." And it was. I kept it as a souvenir and would wave it around while relating my war story to students.
So this morning, I girded my loins and headed for Dr Lin Jr, as a completely different person. Biologically we are comprised of all new cells every 7 years, children
become something more than children after 7 years, marriages often
experience an itch, and so on and so forth.... So maybe it's time to
make peace with the needles? I have been mindfully working with TMJ for 9 long months. An unwanted pregnancy, if you will, that needed to come to an end. Since writing that post on my jaw pain at the beginning of this rather challenging year, I have tried many remedies, including an Osteopath who taught me, or rather I paid attention and did likewise, to administer internal massage...which does help. Still, the pain has been persistent and sometimes crippling.
The needles today were sore, for sure. Immediately the Ho'oponopono benediction came flooding over, through, and around me: "I'm sorry, please forgive me, I love you, thank you." Over and over, like the mantra it is. All I could do was just soften and surrender, which seems more and more to be my primary work in this life. Compassion. I wonder how much easier the road to giving birth to my son and myself as a mother could have been eased by that one essential quality.
Some thoughts that came as I meditated on pain:
Our bodies are ours. We need to take FULL Responsibility for them... care for them as you would a newborn, a beloved pet. Really. This includes of course eating right, sleeping right and moving right. Walking in nature is a great remedy and I'm so grateful for this podcast I just discovered thanks to All About Writing which sings the song of my own heart: The Stubborn Light of Things by Melissa Harrison.
You don't need to pay anyone. It's free. You just look after yourself. Kindly. Ever more kindly.
If you find that you've got yourself into a bit of a fix, as we tend to do thanks to our horrible habits of avoiding the truth and getting stuck in abusive cycles (junk food, comfort eating, sedentary binge-watching, mindless scrolling, complaining, cynicism, negativity, etc etc etc), then there are things that can help.
Personally I feel that these provide the most powerful wake-up call:
Retreats -- they literally take you out of your comfort zone and provide the support of a circle. The programme provides the healthy discipline and structure, the tools, that we often fail to give ourselves. The Quaker proverb comes to mind: “Thee lift me and I'll lift thee, and we'll ascend together.”
Vipassana -- grueling. Make no mistake. But unfortunately we often only seem to learn the hard way.
Psilocybin -- no avoiding, straight to the core of the pain and the joy of your life, which is not yours alone. Now here is hope for those suffering from Depression. Certainly no placebo. It's The Medicine. But don't take my word for it -- read the research. Again, not for the faint of heart, but if you're serious about addressing the issues then look no further. Much as this pandemic has revealed, we are not in control. Yet we have infinite potential to create a reality we want to inhabit. A strange conundrum, much like life itself. What a funny business!
And, ya, acupuncture.
I'm not hurrying back to these last three. They are not "quick" fixes. There aren't shortcuts in the ever unfolding spiral way to healing. But we can decide: Enough! Time to change the story.
I started my tale running for the loo in New York, the problem resolved when we left that wonderful city that I love but that was nevertheless clearly causing me some distress. Although it might also have had something to do with the 'darshan' I partook of on the eve of my departure for the Big Apple. But that's a story for another time perhaps.
Come join me on glorious retreats in 2021. This is a powerful, but gentle way to welcome in a new dispensation. We need one another, we need to gather in community and shine our light.
April on the paradise island of Corsica and
December 2021 at the Buddhist Retreat Centre at Ixopo in the lush rolling hills of KwaZulu Natal.
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