A Letter to my GodStar
Dear Juno,
As you'll no doubt be made aware throughout your life, you were born in a very particular moment. The world is facing the COVID-19 pandemic and as of this minute nearly 500 000 have died. It's a number so big that it lacks reality. None of us will ever gather in a group that large, so it's hard to really picture it. We certainly won't come close to loving that many people.
And yet the thing that really strikes me more and more is how connected we all are. Your mom has been sharing such beautiful photos and videos of these first couple of weeks of your sweet life. It's hard for you to imagine that you might be old one day, but I've been thinking a lot about the end of life and not just because of the horrible statistics and heartbreaking stories of people unable to be with their loved ones as they let go of this life. Your mom had to bravely cross the threshold into being a mother on her own because of the safety measures in place to try and protect people from contracting this virus. What strength she has.
Our friend challenged me to do 25 push-ups for 25 days on Facebook to raise awareness for PTSD, anxiety & depression. Those are hard things and I'm sure your mom hopes you'll never know them, but they are very much a part of our journey. Certainly as a collective at this moment. My upper body strength is sorely lacking. I climb mountains without breaking a sweat but had to rest trying to get through my first set of 25 press-ups. But by the end of this challenge I'll be stronger.
I had actually just finished a 10 day "Proud Mother" challenge on that same social network. Is Facebook still a thing by the time you're old enough to read this? It will likely either be more ubiquitous, if that's possible, or have slipped into ignominy. In this season of social distancing, quarantining, lockdown, sheltering in place, for many of us the online connections have been a lifeline but they've also never felt more hollow or more taxing.
People who have often behaved poorly because they are 'anonymous' are now brandishing torches and sharing endless conspiracy theories while swinging from one false dichotomy to the next. There are some exciting developments in the #blacklivesmatter movement which is part of a long struggle to acknowledge the horrors perpetrated against minorities throughout history.
But back to that Proud Mother vibe. It's a tricky one because I fully respect that many choose not to become parents or cannot conceive. I know that parenting is messy. That photos tend to crystallize neat little moments that have nothing to do with the tedium and despair that often characterise the long haul of actual living.
You have an incredible mother. We've known one another since she was 15 and she's certainly gone through plenty of struggles but also many triumphs. She is a creative and has a very kind heart. Two things I admire tremendously. We were sharing some laughs and shedding some tears this morning as a Cape storm whips the rain sideways and you three trickle sweat in an English seaside town. Here we are together apart.
Life can feel long and hard. You're at the beginning so the temptation is to just coo at your gorgeous cheeks. As your dad put it, you look like you "were made from love." And don't forget that. No matter how gangly, pimply, tattooed, or beer bellied you might become along the way. The truth of it all is that there is only love...when you cut through all the defenses, of which you have none right now, which is why you're so lovable. Inevitably you'll start to question your lovability and that's a necessary part of this human course. Unfortunately.
As your Fairy Godmother I want to remind you now and always how completely worthy you are of Love and all that that means. Feeling whole, filled with light and energy to create anything you choose with your one precious life.
I hope that doesn't sound too airy-fairy/woo woo/New Age to ring true. Cos it is true.
I'd like to sit down, or better yet, go for a nice long hike with you and hear all about your many adventures in living...once you can walk of course. Your mom and I have already discussed popping you in a papoose and walking the Camino together. How cool would that be?
As you were born I climbed St James Peak with my 12 year old son -- Jack and I have had a mommy son challenge on the go to summit all the peaks in the Cape Peninsula during this Lockdown. As we ascended with fragrant fynbos all around that gives your mom allergies and the blue expanse of False Bay below that beckons me to exploration, the winter sun caught us at a sharp angle, and I felt the birth pangs of your sweet mama echoing through the fabric that holds us all together in this dance of life.
I held onto the Table Mountain sandstone for dear life, white knuckled, nauseous, afraid...and breathed.
Slowly, shakily, deeply.
I reminded her and me and my boy and you that we're all here, together, alone.
Breathing.
Here for one another.
I love you,
Charisse
As you'll no doubt be made aware throughout your life, you were born in a very particular moment. The world is facing the COVID-19 pandemic and as of this minute nearly 500 000 have died. It's a number so big that it lacks reality. None of us will ever gather in a group that large, so it's hard to really picture it. We certainly won't come close to loving that many people.
 |
| You & Your Mom...my favourite photo ever |
Our friend challenged me to do 25 push-ups for 25 days on Facebook to raise awareness for PTSD, anxiety & depression. Those are hard things and I'm sure your mom hopes you'll never know them, but they are very much a part of our journey. Certainly as a collective at this moment. My upper body strength is sorely lacking. I climb mountains without breaking a sweat but had to rest trying to get through my first set of 25 press-ups. But by the end of this challenge I'll be stronger.
I had actually just finished a 10 day "Proud Mother" challenge on that same social network. Is Facebook still a thing by the time you're old enough to read this? It will likely either be more ubiquitous, if that's possible, or have slipped into ignominy. In this season of social distancing, quarantining, lockdown, sheltering in place, for many of us the online connections have been a lifeline but they've also never felt more hollow or more taxing.
 |
| Me as a New Mother |
But back to that Proud Mother vibe. It's a tricky one because I fully respect that many choose not to become parents or cannot conceive. I know that parenting is messy. That photos tend to crystallize neat little moments that have nothing to do with the tedium and despair that often characterise the long haul of actual living.
You have an incredible mother. We've known one another since she was 15 and she's certainly gone through plenty of struggles but also many triumphs. She is a creative and has a very kind heart. Two things I admire tremendously. We were sharing some laughs and shedding some tears this morning as a Cape storm whips the rain sideways and you three trickle sweat in an English seaside town. Here we are together apart.
Life can feel long and hard. You're at the beginning so the temptation is to just coo at your gorgeous cheeks. As your dad put it, you look like you "were made from love." And don't forget that. No matter how gangly, pimply, tattooed, or beer bellied you might become along the way. The truth of it all is that there is only love...when you cut through all the defenses, of which you have none right now, which is why you're so lovable. Inevitably you'll start to question your lovability and that's a necessary part of this human course. Unfortunately.
As your Fairy Godmother I want to remind you now and always how completely worthy you are of Love and all that that means. Feeling whole, filled with light and energy to create anything you choose with your one precious life.
I hope that doesn't sound too airy-fairy/woo woo/New Age to ring true. Cos it is true.
I'd like to sit down, or better yet, go for a nice long hike with you and hear all about your many adventures in living...once you can walk of course. Your mom and I have already discussed popping you in a papoose and walking the Camino together. How cool would that be?
As you were born I climbed St James Peak with my 12 year old son -- Jack and I have had a mommy son challenge on the go to summit all the peaks in the Cape Peninsula during this Lockdown. As we ascended with fragrant fynbos all around that gives your mom allergies and the blue expanse of False Bay below that beckons me to exploration, the winter sun caught us at a sharp angle, and I felt the birth pangs of your sweet mama echoing through the fabric that holds us all together in this dance of life.
 |
| Jack at the summit |
Slowly, shakily, deeply.
I reminded her and me and my boy and you that we're all here, together, alone.
Breathing.
Here for one another.
I love you,
Charisse
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