Three Weeks in Europe, Three Realizations

I'm home, but not quite....
After sleeping around the clock in a valiant effort to make up for 2 days of no sleep, 24 hours of cramped economy flights via via via and 3 weeks of so much sightseeing in the hot spots of Europe, I'm content to be home.
But my spirit is caught somewhere in between.
It takes me a while to land.
In an effort to digest and get my money's worth, here's a bit of reflection on it all. 

At the risk of alienating those who loathe any airy-fairy, pseudo-spiritual, New-Age, mumbo-jumbo; my upper chakras (throat/expression, third eye/vision, crown/spirituality) have always been overactive and my lower ones, those to do with the physical plain and being grounded, not so much.
So wafting about in the literal air takes its toll.
A brisk walk on our wintery beach helped, but it will take a while for me to fully arrive back home.

Some realizations:
1. I've changed
2. The world has changed (though possibly not as much as I have)
3. I am content

The last is a biggie. I'll circle back to that.

Also there's something to be said for the holiness of three -- pizza, pasta and gelato for instance. 

1. I've Changed, or Growing Old Ain't All Bad After All

I've been a restless soul with a yen for travel as long as I can remember. Possibly my parents taking me on a country-wide car trip at the ripe old age of 10 days followed by caravaning through Europe as a toddler left an imprint on my impressionable nature.

I defined myself as a traveler, a globe trotter and this very blog came into being as a record of some of that exploration of our lovely planet and its diverse landscapes and people.
One of my favourite moments as a mother was when my 4 year old son drew a portrait of me and wrote phonetically across it: "Mom is a gypsy."

For a while there I lived to travel and since being pinned down by family-life and a lack of funds I've felt like I wasn't "living my best life" as we quip in current parlance.
I yearned to go all the places I hadn't been yet.
So as this Big Trip to Europe loomed and I did all the logistical planning and booking that it requires to move a family of 4 from Point A to B on a budget, I was surprised to notice that I wasn't as excited as I would have anticipated.
Instead, I felt that it would be taking me away from my work - Flow, italki, Writing. These three pillars of my own creation that support and nourish me in very different ways.

Flow brings me into contact with actual heavenly beings within a safe space that allows for true transformation and healing.
Italki allows me to commune with every kind of person in every corner of the world and some have become soulmates providing me with my love-language, #DMC, as the cool kids put it...deep and meaningful conversation.
Writing is my Life's Dream, it soothes me and excites me like nothing else. I love it absolutely.

I kept thinking that once we were on the plane I'd feel that old thrill of "leaving on a jet plane"...instead I was horrified to discover that I've become one of those people who complain about flying! I NEVER understood how anyone could hate something so magical that opens up such endless possibility.

Yet, upon landing in Rome and going straight to the queue for the free-on-the-last-Sunday-of-the-month Vatican Museums and seeing this actual portrait of us in the throes of many hours of uncomfortable, airless, too-hot/too-cold, awful food, almost missed connections etc etc, I realised that flying is a chore to be endured.
Actual Portrait of Economy Flight Travelers

2. The World has Changed

Being in Rome for the first time in 20 years was nostalgic and my sore feet reminded me of my birkenstock's chafing and I was grateful for the equally ugly though much lighter and easier to clean crocs.
There seemed more tourists. A LOT more. It was impossible to get anywhere near the Pieta behind its bullet-proof glass whereas I had almost stumbled upon it  accidentally in my 20s and had had what can only be described as a religious experience.

We made friends with a young Swiss woman traveling solo and very practical though clearly lonely. She attached herself to us and reminded me of what it is to be young and exploring the world and your own self for the first time. I spoke to her about her back-packer's lodging and she didn't seem enamored by the meeting of fellow-travelers. "Always the same stories," she said.

Young kids were flossing everywhere, in every iconic piazza and in the throngs around the Trevi fountain, the queues for the Colosseum and everyone was always on their phones. People didn't people-watch or chat, they browsed.

Global culture has had a flattening affect on people and cultures. Same same, not so different.
It was disheartening but also weirdly comforting.
We're all in it together. 

Especially the endless security checks, which have definitely increased and intensified in my lifetime.

When I was young I noticed how different everything was - language, food, the very air - now I was amazed at how similar everything and everyone seemed.

3. I am content

When I was younger I tried so hard to find something around the next corner, at the summit of the next mountain, just over the horizon, in every book and person. I was searching. Now, even the places I hadn't seen before were not a surprise. Information age burnout? Or just a vivid imagination? Possibly.

What excites me now is production rather than consumption. And by production I mean creative output that rests on the inner journeys of self-inquiry.

I've never considered myself a consumer and I've often thought that if capitalism depended on me it would collapse. This trip made me realise how consumer-driven travel is. Even for the budget traveler. We had one week on a cruise ship and that was consumption gone mad and I honestly felt completely uncomfortable with the kitsch, grabby excess of that popular paradigm of travel.
Also - plastic. So much. Too much. 
I still prefer roughing it...walking miles on my own two feet.
Taking the occasional public transport. 

Seeing the Sagrada Familia was incredible, the Villa Borghese, Pompeii, staying in a medieval village on the Costa Brava and exploring its coves, amongst many other highlights.

Don't get me wrong -- 
I am grateful and filled with wonder.
But equally delighted to be ensconced with my cat in the winter light and getting back to work.

There are loads of pretty travel pics on my Instagram if you're interested in vicarious travel...which spares you the many hours of air travel ;) 
My only souvenirs - a card from my daughter bought in Rome and my son bought from the Picasso museum in Barcelona. The "I heart Barcelona" snow-globe was my daughter's gift to me and my hubby on the occasion of our 17th Wedding Anniversary. There is a note written by both these lovely children on the floating mall/hotel/casino/all-you-can-eat buffet stationery. And some tickets to some WOW moments.

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