Healing begins with Me: Counselling Course Basics

Together we rise

I've been thinking seriously about studying counseling of late. By default I find myself playing the role of counselor often as a teacher on italki, while feeding the homeless and in my lovely healing space Flow, not to mention as a mother and fellow human, so I thought it would be very helpful to have more tools at my disposal in order to serve more effectively. 

After weathering a few bitter years I'd love to be of help to those going through their own long dark night of the soul. One of the hard won gifts of suffering is that it opens you up to the reality of others' suffering and a desire to hold space for healing. It's why I started Flow and why I love Heartwing's process art and other healing modalities. 

This broken lady at Saartjie Baartman is still standing

Then, out of the blue, I received an invitation to do an intensive week-long course at the Saartjie Baartman Centre, a shelter for abused women and children in the Cape Flats. I am always astounded by the undeniable fact that when you put out your intention, you don't have to wait very long for it to be actualized, often in the most delightfully surprising ways.

Let your Garden Grow: Kitchen Garden at Saartjie Baartman Centre

I saw this as the early Christmas gift I needed most.
Right off the bat I was humbled by the group. Everyone had stories that would curl your hair -- the most brutal and harrowing of tales -- and yet there they were, not merely surviving but lifting others up in their communities in powerful ways. I found myself thoroughly inspired by each and every one.

As for our trainers, they are quite simply two of the humblest and wisest souls I've ever had the privilege to meet. They clearly walk the walk. When they teach us about creating a safe space where the counsellee can be exactly as they are and feel nothing but respect and love, that's the very gift they gave us.

Our beautiful trainers Chantal and Noma

How do you get there?
How do you emulate these angels who walk amongst us? 

Good question. Possibly the most important question as we fumble through our lives.

You do the hard work of making peace with every aspect of your own story.
You don't have to love it, but you do have to claim it.
It's scary as hell.
Here's the glorious Liz Gilbert on facing Fear:


We had each other to inspire, support, reflect...counsel.
It was very empowering to be reminded of the support network that we do have.

Nomapondo my angel & wise counselor

My new (hungry) best friend comforted me during breaks

We spoke about why counseling isn't about "advice giving" which leads to dependence and is actually about control.
Rarely can a response make something better, whereas connection always does.
Respect and warmth allow us to be exactly who we are.
Concreteness tells us that we can't work with generalizations.
Genuineness asks that we be real, that we show up.
Confrontation asks that we draw attention to inconsistencies and unnoticed resources, while Immediacy calls for awareness.
We looked at the reality of loving ourselves as we are, not the false image of ourselves. We discussed the split in Parent/Adult/Child Egos and saw how this plays out at a personal and societal level.

Carkhuff's Counseling Principles

Erikson's Developmental Stages offer fascinating insight into our wounding at various ages. As well as our potential. We discussed these and precepts of Developmental Counseling at length in our groups.
We also discussed the imperative of growing up emotionally. The need to develop healthy and effective communication skills and listening techniques.

Here Thich Nhat Hanh speaks about the transformational power of deep listening:


We learned about different approaches to counseling -- from Behaviourist to Cognitive and on through the various Humanist models of psychology.

I love this explanation of how our brains function at a biological level:


The fact of the matter is, if we don't work on knowing and loving ourselves, dealing with our own pain, we will block others.

Brene Brown is a brilliant researcher and powerful speaker.
I promise you it's worth your time to listen to what she has to say.

I just love her angle on Blame.
Be warned: this is game changing!


And here she is rocking my world with her spin on Boundaries:


We also spoke about grief counseling and Trust.
It was a week of deep work. Many revelations, much healing and growing. It wasn't easy. It was definitely worth it.

We listen and tell our stories

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